Success is...

I was thinking about success today for some reason and thought I'd share. It comes in all sizes: big and small.  And while most of my successes lately are small, they mean a lot to me and to God...I know He is cheering me on.

We have been pretty busy lately and haven't gotten around to mowing the yard, and since the rain on Sunday/Monday it has really grown.  Monday we had Jase's soccer practice, Tuesday Shawn got home late and tonight we had church.  So, last night I mentioned to Shawn that I could mow it Wednesday while the kids are at school.  He offered to weed-eat for me real quick last night (it was basically dark out) since our weed-eater weighs like 100 pounds and it is not my friend.  LOL!  After I did my running around this morning I came home, ate lunch and changed clothes and prepared to mow.  As I am getting out the lawn mower I am reminded of our first lawn mower we owned.  You basically pulled your arm out of socket every time you went to start it.  I mean you had to pull it like 30-50 times before it would start...no joke, ask my sister! And once you started it, you wouldn't dare cut it off because it would not start again.  I remember accidentally cutting it off too soon and still having half of the front yard to do...lovely.  You either weed-eat the rest of the yard or wait forever and pray that the lawn mower would start back up.

Back to pulling out the mower.  I pushed the bulb to get the gas going a few times and then pulled the rope back to start 'er up...and nothing.  Ugh...here we go.  I pulled it a few more times...still nothing.  I pushed the bulb like 5 more times, hoping I didn't flood the engine.  After pulling the rope a few times...she started right up!  Success is starting the lawn mower all by myself.  I was so happy...I'm not going to even pretend I wasn't.  It was awesome.

Today my sister interviewed for a teaching position at the school where I taught at for two years before I decided to stay at home with my children.  We have been praying for God's will with her career and knew that something would fall through when the time was right.  I was on and off the phone with her all afternoon getting the "play by play" of events going on.  Then the call that she got the job.  Success!  Praise God!  So happy for her.  She is going to be a great teacher.  She is so dedicated and I know that she will be committed to her team, students and school.  I'm so excited for her to start her career.

So, it is no surprise that I have struggled with my weight my whole life.  I remember my body went through "the change" in between my 7th and 8th grade year and I was a little more curvy than before.  I was sitting in band class in 8th grade at the beginning of the school year (before you even form an opinion about me being in the band, all of the "cool" kids were in band at my JH!) and a girl lean over to me and said "either you lost a lot of weight or you are sucking in."  WOW!  I have prayed on this matter many times, but I still remember that comment from 1993.  Words can definitely hurt.

After graduating high school, I stopped playing softball and stopped being active and the pounds piled on.  I was the heaviest at my wedding, 60+ pounds since HS.  Not great timing with the weight gain, but it is what it is.  I have tried so many diets and bought so many exercise DVDs, it's not even funny.  Ok, well a little funny!! It's like I would stay on something for a month or two or a week, then get off, lose, gain, lose, gain.  I found a picture of myself last week when I was at my heaviest and it was a full body picture, head to toe and I was in shorts.  I mean, it didn't even look like me and I didn't even know I ever looked like that.  Crazy how we have a mental picture and how we envision ourselves.

Last week I started reading "Made to Crave" by Lysa TerKeurst and it talks about satisfying your deepest desire with God, not food.  It is a great book and I definitely recommend it.  While it is geared more toward women, I've read several chapters to Shawn and the principles can be applied to men as well and he enjoyed listening to it.  While I wish I could sit here and type the whole book for you (might be some plagiarism issues with that), here are a few things that have stood out for me thus far:

• What if God is using my weight to draw me closer to Him?  Some people may have a weakness with drugs, alcohol or depression, but mine seems to be food.  He has been trying to get my attention this whole time.  
• God wants us to crave Him and not food.  Look back to Eve and what she was tempted with from the very beginning...food...an apple from the forbidden tree.  God knew that food would be a temptation from the beginning.  This struggle is not new and can be conquered through Him.
• I can have victory over my food cravings.  I have asked and prayed God to help me with my food choices and have come to realize that the devil certainly is real and will get in your thoughts and try to talk you into bad choices or tell you why you can't do something because of your old habits.  All the more reason to pray and ask God to help you and to have God's word readily available at all times to lean upon.

While I am far away from my goal weight and to be honest, I have no idea what my goal weight should be.  I feel good in the way I am eating and have had small successes that encourage me to keep pushing on.  Every meal and every craving is a test, but with God's help I know I can do this.

For he satisfieth the longing soul, and filleth the hungry soul with goodness. Psalm 107:9

I delight to do thy will, O my God: yea, thy law is within my heart.  Psalm 40:8