It's never easy

Saying goodbye that is.  Whether someone is sick or perfectly healthy and they leave this world, it is hard to mentally prepare yourself for them passing.  My heart is heavy today.  My Nana, my mom's mom, is in bad shape and has been for a while now.  She is 78, so strong, dependable, a woman of God, my very first best friend.

The ambulance picked her up Monday evening because she was very weak and in a lot of pain.  She got put in a room on Tuesday and they ran tests.  Her sodium came back low and she was dehydrated.  She has not had an appetite and so she has not been eating regularly. 

I called her two weeks ago on August 31 and the conversation did not flow as it normally does.  I could hear the TV on in the background, so I wasn't sure if she was just paying attention to it and not me.  But it it was like pulling teeth to get her to talk to me.  After asking her if she was feeling ok she responded with "I've got nothing to complain about." I told her that it was me and she could tell me.  She gave me the same response.  I could just sense that something was not right and let my mom know.  She had called her that same day as well and got the same feedback.

Then last Wednesday I called her again, September 7th, which was my Poppa's birthday (her husband) and she was in much better spirits and told me that she did not feel well at all last week.  He passed away on March 15, 1985 due to a brain tumor and lung cancer at the age of 45, and a few months shy of my Uncle's high school graduation.  I was a little over 4 1/2 when he passed.  My parents divorced when I was still a baby, so my mom and I lived with them for a period of time until I was in first grade.  I remember my Poppa...so sweet, gentle, loving and kind.  From the stories I've heard he could never tell me no! :)

The doctors put her on some blood thinners to help the blood flow since her heart is not in good condition, but is inoperable we've been told due to her health.  She also has terrible arthritis all over her body, specifically in her back.  She has been in a lot of pain for a long time.  The plan is for her to go to a nursing home/rehab facility this afternoon to build up her strength since she is unable to walk at this point and has lost use of her muscles.  When my Uncle Randy told her this she was not excited about going there and told him that she was just tired.  :(  She said that she is in pain everyday and is tired.  She has always been so strong and a fighter, so hearing this just breaks me.  I know it must be bad for her to get to this point.

I have so many emotions right now.  She has been living without her husband for 26 years and I'm sure she is ready to be reunited with him.  And living in pain is no fun at all.  Then on the other hand I am selfish and want her to remain here with us.  She was so vital to me growing up and becoming who I am today, that I want my kids to experience that as well.  And ultimately I want God's will for her. 

From the end of the earth will I cry unto thee, when my heart is overwhelmed:

lead me to the rock that is higher than I.  Psalm 61:2

I had a heart to heart conversation with her when she was hospitalized a few months ago regarding her faith and I'm so glad I did.  I was reassured where her faith resides: Jesus Christ.  Such a blessing to hear that.  I was not questioning her belief system, but wanted to hear with my own ears her dependence on Him.

After talking with my mom this afternoon, I hopped in the shower (and was alone) and it really hit me, the reality of the situation.  Made me also realize how short this life on earth is and that God is our only hope and needs to be our only refuge at all times. 

I told Jase that Nana was not doing well at all and that she was in pain.  We had a good conversation about dying and leaving this earth.  He asked about all her stuff and I told him that she doesn't take it with her, but the family will have to figure out what to do with it.  Then he asked about when he dies and his house and we talked about him getting older and getting married and having kids and he added "and grandkids".  :)  I finished up the conversation with that's why we need to put our trust and faith in Jesus and he said "I believe in Jesus."  Melted my heart and praise God for this.

If you're still with me...thanks for sticking around.  I feel a lot better after writing all of this down.  May God continue to be with Nana.


4 Generations - Thanksgiving 2010



NEVER AGAIN

Ok, so I am 31 and I can say that I have never bought a whole chicken and took all the pieces (i.e. breasts, wings, thighs) off the chicken and boiled them separately...until today.

This past weekend I was at the store and the price of a whole chicken is relatively cheap when compared to just buying skinless boneless chicken breasts (which is what I always do).  So, I picked up two since I would be making casseroles this week with chicken in them.  On Saturday Shawn prepared the chicken, boiled it and deboned it for me...he is awesome.  That is some of our funnest times together...in the kitchen.  We both love to be in there preparing and cooking food together.

A day or two ago I asked him about the chicken and cutting/breaking it up to cook and he explained it.  Apparently all I recalled was "it's easy" when I was trying to do it this morning.  Ugh!  Ready for a mental picture...it was me at the sink with this whole chicken on a cutting board (that was way too small) with a knife.  That huge thing was sliding around everywhere!!  I might as well have gotten a butter knife because the one I was using wouldn't even cut the skin!!  I felt like a dork as I remembered Shawn's words "it's easy!" 

At this point I have put the knife down and started twisting the chicken at the joints.  This is not a joke...this was my methodology now...choking the chicken!  I was getting so flustered, yet determined to get this chicken in the pot!  You would have thought it was alive the way it was moving all around.

Mission finally accomplished, but never again will I do this.  LOL!  I will either be cooking the whole chicken in its entirety, Shawn cutting it up for me, or going back to chicken breasts.

On a happier note, (I think) I found the wishbone and set it out to dry!  I loved doing this as a kid and can't wait to show Allyson and Jase!

We have a ponytail!

Ok, I know she is my daughter, but I absolutely love it!! Tonight after her bath I tried to put her hair in a ponytail for the first time and I was able to get a little pony! I think this might become my new favorite do!

Superb Sunday

What a great day we had.  We woke up and got ready for church and not only were we on time, but a little early! :)  That doesn't happen ever very often, so it was nice for a change.  We decided to wear our red, white and blue to support the USA as remember what happened 10 years ago on this very day.  May we never forget not only what happened to our country, but also what Jesus did for us some 2,000+ years ago.  He left His heavenly throne, to come here and live a sinless life and die for our sins.  Then after paying the ultimate price, he defeated death by rising on the 3rd day...Thank you Jesus!! So comforting knowing that if you put your trust and faith in Him, there will be no question where your spirit will go when you leave this earth...to live with Him for eternity.  Praise God!!!

After Sunday School and Church we stayed at the church and loaded up 5 vehicles and a trailer full of waters, food, clothes, first aid supplies, toys, diapers, and other supplies to help the wildfire victims and fire fighters.  Praying that they are able to use these supplies to help them during this time.  May God be with the victims, fire fighters, and volunteer workers.

We made it back in time for evening service and that was a blessing as well.  Pastor Tim talked about still believing in God's power and the ability of Him to still perform miracles.  He referenced Acts 3 where the lame man was sitting outside the temple asking for money, and in short Peter told him in the name of Jesus to rise up and walk.  The bible says that this man had never been able to walk since his birth, but on this day he walked, leaped and praised God.  Talk about a miracle.  God is still able to do this today.  I pray that I have faith like that to believe in God's miracles.

We just finished up some ice cream and are watching the Houston Texans game from earlier today that we recorded.  What a great day!  I'm ready for what the week ahead brings!

Go Stingrays!!

This morning was Jase's first soccer game of the season and he was very excited.  Right when we got to the field he noticed a couple of buddies from school on the other team and he was PUMPED!  One of the boys he talks about nonstop, so I was curious how this was going to go.  Basically it was social hour for Jase...not kidding.  He literally commentated EVERY move on the field "nice shot," "pass," "goal," "the ball is out".  And then there were other silly comments inter-mingled.  I mean it did not stop.  He is a talker, but usually not to this degree.

As far as the actual soccer game, he played well.  He ran and stayed with the ball for the most part.  The team we played had some awesome players, so we have some practicing to do.  I was a little worried when we first started practicing and there are 10-12 kids on the team and only 3 players play in the game.  To my surprise they had two fields side by side set up and two games going on at once.  It was really neat and I'm glad they did that.  I am very impressed with Quest and am liking it more and more. 

Daddy was asked to help out and coached the game that Jase was playing in, so that was neat.  I know that Shawn enjoyed it and hopes to get more involved.  Since we signed up late, he was unable to sign up for a coaching position, but hopefully he can start helping out more.

Oh Glorious Day

Allyson and Jase love this song and sing it every time it comes on the radio. We were able to record Allyson singing it tonight after dinner, so sweet! I love hearing my kids sing about Jesus!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r_XKx4d72pA

Obsessed Much?!?

So, this is everyday...he thinks he is a living, breathing Backyardigan!!